Saturday, June 21, 2008

I Got Limits

He opened the door
And fell out on the living room floor:
Flat on his face.
"Better his face to the floor than his fists to my head,"
I said.
So I covered him with a blanket and went back to bed.
Beatings from a drunken husband were commonplace, almost a nightly event.
Yeah, that's how it went
In what was supposed to be my "home sweet home."
But I understood how it felt to be alone,
So I didn't run away and leave him,
Not then.
I knew how much he loved having sex with me.
He left a wife of 15 years and 3 kids for this coochie.
He left her because he had got me knocked-up
Now you know that's fucked-up!
He didn't want me raising our kid all alone but was leaving her with three,
To run off with a mother-to-be!
I'm sure it had her so vexed!
So believe me, I wasn't perplexed
When after I gave birth to our dear child,
I started to bleed, not for a day or a week, but for a very long while,
For 12 years in fact!
You gotta know
You reap what you sow.
He left his wife for a good time in bed
And ended up sleeping alone instead.
I'm sure he wondered in his mind if he'd made the right decision.
So now what?
Does he divorce me because I am ill and go back to her?
He'd look like a fool.
He'd rather take up a stool
At the local bar and drown his sorrows in a couple quarts of beer,
For fear
Of what the people'd say.
What they got to do with this anyway?
Yeah, we got trouble.
"Trouble on my mind!"[1]
But he didn't know how to express it, so he just grabbed a bottle of wine
And let the anger build up inside until he was ready to burst.
Gotta get release somehow!
So this ex-professional boxer found a punching bag.
So sad,
That punching bag was me!
You see,
I heard what each hit was saying.
He was crying out to be understood,
And I could
Because I felt the pain as well.
Hey, it's me sitting in this jail;
And I'm denied the same intimacy,
So I took the pain and put the blame on me!
That's what love will do.
But "what's love got to do, got to do with it?"[2]
Eventually, I said, "Enough with this shit!"
But it took me 25 years
And a river of tears
Before those words could pass my lips.
Words flow out of the heart,
And it took a while for me to part
With the idea that this marriage just wasn't gonna work,
Not if I stayed.
I gotta let it be known that I got limits!
It's just so much one can take.
And if I wait,
It could be –Death do us part.
And I don't want blood on hands:
Not his, not mine.

[1] Artist: THE BLUEPRINT Song: TROUBLE ON MY MIND Album: 1988
[2] Artist: Tina Turner, Song: What's Love Got to do with it, Album: Private Dancer, Label: Capitol, Writers: Terry Britten and Graham Lyle, Released : July 1984.

Have Your Way

When did the lies begin?
When were they ever to end?
You' been leading me around with some pretense.
Now, all of sudden, you want to try to make sense!
Now, you want to give me a chance!  A chance for what?

To have love, because you weren't givin' it?
To have a husband, because you never intended to commit?
To have a provider, because you weren't gettin' off of shit?
To have a protector, because you don't give a damn?
C'mon, what's this all about man?
You wanna step out because you know you don't deserve what you got.
If you take and don't pay, you' nothin' but a thief!

Stolen kisses and stolen ass:
Temporary pleasure that never lasts.
Goodbye? So let it be!
I once was blind, but now I see.
Your pretty words blew smoke in my eyes.
Now I see they were nothing but lies.
For your heart was filled with evil intent.

Yeah, you found lil' Red walking alone in the woods.
But we all know how that story ends, and it's not too good
For the wolf, but if that's what you wanna be,
Go ahead; it's fine with me!
My, my, what big eyes you have, and what big teeth!

Don't pretend you're my granny dear.
You are a wolf; a wolf, I fear.
My God, my God, please draw near.
Arrest this lying, thieving, pretender here.
And O Lord, have your way with him.

I Let You Go

If this is how it is gonna be
Then I thank God for sparing me.
If demanding trust, love and respect causes you to pout,
Then I am better off now that you've decided to bow out
And go another way or to forever remain silent.
It's best we let God work this out to how it is meant to be.
Yes, I'm sure it will take some time
And I'll let the clock tick as things unwhine
As I adjust to you not being there.
Not being where?
Not in my heart? Not on my mind?
Everywhere I look I find
But every moment that I miss you
I'm reminded it's for my good, so
Again and again, I let you go.

You Go Alone

I don't like the things you say,
The jokes you tell, the games you play,
Of breaking up and infidelity.
I don't want those things a part of me,
Don't even want them on my mind.
Whatsoever is pure, lovely and true, let it be there to find.
I don't want unacceptable meditations in my heart.
I won't play those roles; I won't play that part!
If you can't live without that game,
Then things between us won't be the same
'Cause I won't play with you.
Pretending to be unfaithful puts one foot out the door
And I know your past; you've stepped beyond the threshold before.
Now you want me to bear the image of the lifestyle you've come to know.
You can color me scarlet in your mind but, my friend, it ain't so!
If that's the place you want to go,
Just tell me; don't just tippy-toe,
Then hang up the phone.
You go alone!

The Darkest Hour

In the darkest hour,
They came with lanterns
Seeking the man called "the Christ."

Judas stepped forward,
Welcomed the Savior,
Betraying him with a kiss.

A man seized the Lord.
Peter rushed forward,
Sev'ring the man from his ear.

Jesus then turned to
The man and healed him.
Peter, he calmly instructs.

"This is the cup that
My Father has giv'n.
I drink it; this is His will.

There is no time to
Be moved to vi'lence;
Now is the moment to heal.

Move in every hour
To give God glory
And love your enemies, still."

Be Gentle

You are
A vision of loveliness, a beauty to behold.

My eyes,
Engaged by your color, line and form.

My thoughts,
Perplexed by the pattern of your petals.

Your scent
Draws my nose deep into your center.

My knees
Grow weak by the touch of your softness.

My desire
Causes me to reach to pluck you and make you mine.

And yet,
I find you are clothed in armor.

My hand
Is pierced by your thorns.

I know.
You've been hurt so many times before.

I must
Be gentle.

Who I am

Mama loves her baby, even if no one else ever would.
Her love is unconditional. If only each man could
Love the other with a mother's kind of love,
Then our origin, talents and what we do
Would not determine how another values you.
We must keep our focus on how in God's eyes we are seen,
Then our personal and unique worth would be kept in high esteem.
We could not strive to build it and could not tear it down,
For it would be built on a sure foundation and rest in solid ground.
No actions that we took could move it from it's place
Because we remain forever covered by redeeming grace.
I do not need to like myself or approve of what I do
And neither does another; it does not change what is true.
That is, in the Creator's eyes we unconditionally have value.
The price of a thousand worlds, I'm told,
Does not equal the worth of just one soul.
So even if the whole world cannot see
And every man does disagree
I must know inside of me
Just who I am.

Feed the Hungry

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